Sunday, 9 November 2014

Stitches (2012)


IMDB rate: 5,7
Genre: Clown, Comedic, Slasher
Starring: Ross Noble, Tommy Knight, Gemma-Leah Devereux

I've had my eye on this movie for quite some time already, reason why I never watched is because I'm quite terrified of clown movies and I was waiting till someone else was around until  I watched it. I like movies where clowns are in, they have an amazingly scaring potential in my opinion. I loved the clown part of Amusement, the creepy clown in Cabin in the Woods and of course It. I even made a 'clown' genre section so people could easily find some clown movies to watch. The one thing I'm a bit bummed about is that I've never seen an entirely amazing clown movie so far. The Amusement part is fun, but it only lasts one scene and the rest of the movie sucks ass. The movie It is nice as well, but it has a runtime of 3 hours and the ending was slightly disappointing so still not an entirely good clown movie. 

I was interested in Stitches because it has an amazing poster, it seems scary as hell. Unfortunately Stitches proves once again that you shouldn't judge a movie by it's cover (or poster). It was terrible. I wouldn't say it was as bad as Killjoy, but it's pretty close I think. 

There's incredibly much wrong with this movie, for starters the acting. I've never seen people act this rubbish. The kid is scared to death of clowns, yet he doesn't seemed scared at all. He rather saves all of his buddies (who are all pricks by the way) than himself. 

It's not just the acting that makes this movie incredibly unbelievable, it's also the characters. They're a bunch of pricks, all signed to basic characteristic treats (the obvious gay guy, the womanizer, the prick and his douche-bag girlfriend), and that's where it stops. There's no development in them at all, they're uninteresting and I couldn't care less if any of them would die. 
Their dialogues goes as far as their personalities, the gay guy only making 'OMG' remarks, the womanizer is only commenting at woman's body parts and the prick is only threatening the main character, who's never saved by his friends by the way. It's just standard bullshit that gives no insight in anything whatsoever. 

For some reason they tried to make Stitches a somewhat comedic movie, but it just fails so hard at it. The jokes aren't funny because they're out of context the entire time, also because the dialogue itself was already bad the jokes just go unnoticed in terrible dialogues. The humor goes as far as ripping off penises and tying them to balloons, and making balloon animals from spines, it's just childish and not funny. Also, WHY kill the cat?!

Stitches is meant to be a dark comedy but honestly I thought it was a terrible movie. Bad acting, terrible characters and rubbish dialogues. There's a shitload of blood in it, but it's just too overdone. Someone gets a missing part, everything around gets splattered with more blood than the human body can hold. This all is done in useless slow-motion effects, which is more annoying than anything else. Stitches is a horrible movie and I wouldn't recommend watching it. However, it does have a 5,7 on IMDB and people often gave positive reviews about Stitches. Perhaps it's just not my taste.

My rate: 2,5/10

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